The One Young World Summit, Johannesburg

One Young World has been the most eye-opening event I have ever been to. So many young people are doing amazing things across the world. I feel so small with the project that I am doing. But the good thing about feeling what you are doing is small as compared to others is that it feels more achievable. If other young people can do greater things than me, so then what is my excuse? The moment I stepped off the stage, streams of people came and told me words of hope, to continue what I am doing. But the best words came from the Father of social business himself: Professor Muhammad Yunus, whom I got to talk to backstage. He told me things will be tough, but to never lose faith in what you believe in. My speech can be viewed below at 14:44 minutes:

The Time of My Life

Longest itinerary I ever had

In a few hours time, I will be starting on what I think would be one of the best times of my life. It will be a 4 months journey across the globe from Kuala Lumpur to Johannesburg to deliver my One Young World speech in front of the likes of Kofi Annan, Richard Branson, Professor Muhammad Yunus, Jamie Oliver and Bob Geldolf. Then to Kruger National Park, staying INSIDE the safari for 3 days to catch sight of the Big 5: the lion, African elephant, Cape buffalo, leopard, and rhinoceros. Then flying off to Cape town for my 3 days stay hosted by the Malay-African Cape people, to marvel over the magnificent Table Mountain and observe the cute penguins at Boulder Beach

Afterwards, I am going to Norway to deliver a Keynote Lecture at the Global Health and Vaccination Research Conference 2013 at the University of Bergen, riding what is deemed the best train ride views in the world from Oslo to Bergen. Perhaps I will visit the Fjords of Norway afterwards, one of the great natural wonders of the world.

Once I'm done in Norway, I would make my way back to South-east Asia, to Cambodia for Hospitals Beyond Boundaries Health Screening Project for 3 days. Then coming back to Malaysia for my convocation. Then I would attend the Global Social Business Summit in Kuala Lumpur, 7th-9th November as one of the 6 youth ambassador selected across the world by Nobel Laureate Professor Muhammad Yunus' The Grameen Creative Lab

On 11th November, I will fly off to Geneva, Switzerland to start my work as an intern at the World Health Organization (WHO). What happens afterwards? Only Allah knows. I am very thankful for all these opportunities He gave me. I've never felt so blessed in my life. Thank you to all my family members who supported me and believed in what I do

I Have a Cricket Living in My Ears

Tinnitus/tin·ni·tus /ˈtinitəs/ : Ringing/buzzing in the ears; may cause depression and insomnia

The night I got it will never be erased from my mind. The thud, the pain, the sound in my ears as if someone opened a window as a plane was flying. Like all the air around me are sucked into my ears. Maybe that is why I find it hard to breath. Then the vertigo came, the world went spinning. I fell to the ground. But I felt as if I never landed. I was free falling. I was lying flat on the ground but the world kept spinning and I kept falling. At that time, I wish all of this is a dream. I waited for the moment to wake up. Please wake up, please wake, please wake me up. But I didn’t. Instead, I have to pull myself up and walked to the nearest checkpoint. Everybody else was still too busy playing the stupid war game. The ‘enemy’ must be happy that they shot me a plastic bag full of flour water right to my head during their ambush. What they didn’t know is that it changed the trajectory of my life for good.

To think of it, it is amazing how this small organ, the ear with all its parts, outer, middle and inner, can perform such a vital function that when it is damaged, a person could not hear, walk or feel the ground. The person who threw the bag of flour water must have done it with a very full force. Not only my ear drums are busted, the high speed energy must have driven the bones in the middle ear right into the inner ear through the oval window, so hard that the brain fluids began leaking out through the cochlear. I called my parents. I might be very lucky that my dad happens to be an ENT surgeon. At that time I didn’t know the extent of my injury. All I knew is that it is freaking painful. The eardrums being the most sensitive organ in the human body to pain, I might scale the pain 11/10. I could not sit still in the clinic until they gave me that jab of painkiller. My dad told me that eardrum perforation is common and it will heal in time. It got me relieved, and I went back to the hostel. Meanwhile, fluids are still coming out of my ear, dismissing it as flour water from the plastic bag.

I went to bed. I couldn’t sleep well with the eerie sound in my ears. It woke me up every hour. It was then that I noticed it. On my pillow, the fluid that soaks my pillow made the wet area look peculiar. Then I remember it: the ‘halo sign’ of CSF. I still remember my Professor’s words: In a head injury, always ask if you feel a dripping sensation on the back of the throat, and if the fluid drips out of the nose, test it in a white cloth for ‘halo sign’, which indicates the fluid is from the brain. “This is exactly how it looks!” I thought. I freaked out and called my dad again. I told him that I can feel the fluid pulsating out of my ears. Being a surgeon, he said this calmly but with a sense of urgency: “get back to UKM Hospital as soon as possible”.

It was in the middle of the night. I woke up one of the facilitators, telling him how severe the condition is. He straight away drove me back to Kuala Lumpur from Janda Baik. If my dad was not an ENT surgeon, if I hadn’t remember the lesson about the ‘halo sign’, I might just dismiss the fluids coming out from my ears as a normal physiological response of my ear to clear up flour water in my ears. Like how I sneeze and my nose become watery when there is too much dust.

I was hospitalized for 2 weeks. It was a harrowing experience. I can only stay still. If I walk, I fall. I couldn’t walk straight. My balance organ is damaged. I could only pray to Allah that this damage is not permanent. At that time, I don’t care about the hearing lost in my left ear and the newfound sound that won’t leave me alone 24 hours a day. I only start to care when I turn on my iPod and listened to it using my left ear. It sounded exactly like a broken radio. I can only hear some frequencies of sound but not another. Losing my ability to hear clearly left me devastated. I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t hear properly, and there is this weird sound that has always been with me since that night. In the wards, they gave me antibiotic cover every day to prevent my brain from getting infected through the leak in my ears. There was a very high possibility, with the flour water in the plastic bag kept for days. There is no questioning what type of bacteria is in it.

After nearly two weeks, I was discharged home, but I still have to take antibiotics. I still could not walk straight, but it is improving day by day, which was a good sign. I read that when the balance organ in one side of the ear is damaged, the other ear will adapt and tilt the balance to normal again. How powerful is Allah’s creation! But the effect does not remain physical. Emotionally, I was torn to pieces. If there was a point in my life where I someone to take care of me most, that was the point. I am glad that my families and friends gave me a visit. My parents were always there, but everyone has to go to work in the end. I have no one who I can talk to any time that I needed to.

I became depressed. A few weeks later after my balance has returned, I decided to return to class. Some lecturers suggested me to skip the whole posting and repeat the posting after exam along with the students who had fail. But I am not the kind of person who gives up easily. I skipped 2 weeks of Opthalmology and came back into Anaesthesiology posting. Because I skipped the 2 weeks, I still have to complete the tasks in my log book, do case write ups and sit for mini-CEX. So from morning until 3 or 4 pm, I was in the operating theatre for anaesthesiology. 4 to 6 pm, I went to the Opthalmology clinic to finish my log book with the patients that are left (clinic ends at 5). I was basically doing 2 postings in one. I survived. I completed my log book, passed my mini-CEX and did my case write ups.

It didn’t came without repercussions. The full day I had distracted me from the trauma, the tinnitus and the remnant sense on imbalance. But at night, when it is silent and I am alone. The world became a dark place to live in. I am usually a reserved person when it comes to my emotional thoughts. When I am depressed, all I need is to remain silent and withdraw into my cave of silence. Have a good night sleep. This time around, silence only exaggerates the ringing in my ears. I couldn’t sleep. How can I handle this suffering? This went on for weeks. I withdrew from society; I deleted all my existence on the internet, deactivated my Facebook, and live in seclusion. I pushed everyone away, even people who were close to me. I became over-sensitive and would lash out at the slightest thing. My friends told me that I am not myself anymore.

I am very good at hiding my feelings. When I go to the clinics, I put on fake smile and lived life as usual. I survived the first few months, until I came into psychiatry posting. We were at the clinic, and I was putting on my best face, knowing it worked well. But in the psychiatry clinic, it didn’t. Psychiatrists are trained to read people’s thought through their demeanour and body language. When the clinic ended, the Psychiatrist Professor asked me to stay back. It was amazing how she sensed something was wrong with me. When I told her about everything that happened, she was not surprised. She knew I went through something traumatic. She could see it in my eyes. She even offered me for short course of medications but I refused. Then we started talking about behaviour therapy. I told her I shut out everybody and lived like an anti-social. I told her I was off the internet, and never made an effort to reply every concerned friends on Facebook. She told me it was a wrong thing to do, and at times like these, I was in need of social support from my friends the most.

I received the news after a few follow-ups at the ENT clinic that my partial hearing loss is permanent, and so is the tinnitus in my ears. Most people would be devastated to learn about this permanent damage, but the only thing that got me through is that my balance has returned. I can walk straight. I can run! The months that follow was life-changing. When I sleep, I have to turn on tinnitus masking sounds on my laptop. It helped with the tinnitus. I kept myself busy to distract me from the noise.

Tinnitus has stayed with me from that night right until this moment. It has nearly been 2 years. I now take it as an indicator. Tinnitus gets louder when I am stressed, fatigued or at times of heightened emotion. I used it to remind myself to lay back when stressed, rest when fatigue, and be patient when I am about to get angry. Tinnitus serves as a reminder for me that I survived the worst, that I can walk and run without feeling that my feet are not on the ground. Tinnitus sounds like a cricket in my ears. So when I am in the middle of a hectic day, when I feel too worn out, I take time to listen to that cricket and remind myself that it is better to be busy doing something useful rather than lying around helpless, like how I was when I was admitted.

What happened has changed me, and changed the trajectory of my life. It was as if I was given a second chance at life. I appreciate every moment, and have become much more patient with people. I take time to listen. I thought that my life is too short to be miserable. There was a possibility that I die if I keep on dismissing the fluids as a normal ear response and catch infection to my brain. I swore to do good on earth realizing that life is too short. I might not have started my charity NGO in my final year if not of what happened. Without a traumatic event, there is no motivation for me to start building a hospital for the poor as a medical student. I will still be caught up in the idea that I have to fulfil all my degrees, be a specialist and stable before embarking on a journey to save others. My tinnitus taught me to say ‘Screw that, life is short. I’m doing it now!’. My tinnitus is like a magical cricket in Disney. What’s his name again? Jimney? He’s always there to remind me things get bad. It serves me some kind of comfort knowing that he’ll be there until I lie on my deathbed.

A Journey of Self Discovery

It has almost been 2 weeks since this journey began. From Phnom Penh going 150 miles north to Siem Reap and back again, this travel has opened my eyes to the harsh reality of living in a country still haunted by a recent tragic past that drives the country into extreme poverty. It has made me realize how absurd I was presenting about health care in resource stricken countries in air-conditioned conference rooms, when actually being here among the poor, going through the sweltering heat, thinking “how can these people live like this?” is an absolutely different thing. If my years spent living in Indonesia shapes my worldview of developing countries, Cambodia confirms this viewpoint. Yesterday we visited one of the best hospitals in Phnom Penh and I was still surprised to see a patient fresh off brain surgery put into a hot, dark room crammed with other patients. Being perfectly healthy, I could not maintain being there more than 5 minutes without being drenched in sweat. I can only imagine lying helplessly in pain or gasping for air when the air is already hard to breathe in. It reminded me of a patient back in Malaysia who demanded to change bed because the air conditioning is too strong. How we are blessed with choices when here, there is no such option.

My time in Phnom Penh was purposely devoid of living in hotels in order to immerse myself into the local culture. Living with the locals has allowed me to learn a bit of their language, eat their local dishes and live their daily activities. Each day is fully taken advantage of. Cooler mornings were spent writing or reading the numerous books written about Cambodia’s tragic history under the Khmer Rouge regime. Work starts near mid-day, where we would visit our proposed hospital site, visit the school which our collaborating NGO runs, go to our meetings, or scouting for a suitable site for our health screening project scheduled in a few months time. As young doctors, there seems so much for us to do, but so little resource we have. Sometimes we feel helpless compared to the gargantuan task of building a hospital in this resource stricken area and improving the health care of the community and their economy as a whole. However I kept holding on to a humorous quote I found: “Dream big, start small, but most important of all, start!”

The late Steve Jobs once said “The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you will know when you find it”. I believe that I have found it through this journey. I set out to discover this so called ‘Kingdom of Wonder’, but it ended up as a journey of self-discovery. My days have never been happier doing all this work that I am doing now. It is very tiring, but when you love doing something, it is as if you did not go to work at all. All I wish is that this passion and excitement would not simmer down once I have started my housemanship training. Time and again I saw my friends lose their passion in the things they love to do, the things that really creates meaning, after beaten down by the harsh life of a young doctor. Things will not always be easy, but when everything seems to fall apart, I hope I will always remind myself of the worse hardship I see during this journey. When I do, everything else will pale in comparison.

Phnom Penh, 16 May 2013 

How I Fell in Love with My Passion: International Health

I guess every medical student has an idea of what kind of doctor they want to be. Common early ambitions include being a neurologist, a heart surgeon, pediatrician and all other high paying specialties. The type of doctor I want to be was different from others, shaped early on in medical school. It was inspired by a speech, precipitated by a chain of events and consolidated by fateful acquaintances.

The speech that changed the trajectory of my life was the one given by the president of World Bank, though he was not yet the President back then. His name was Jim Yong Kim. The event at that time was the 2009 Harvard Model United Nations. I was a first year medical student. Sitting at the back, I usually fall asleep during speeches or lectures, but somehow I stayed awake during his speech. Mr Jim Yong Kim opened my eyes, literally and metaphorically. It was amazing that after his speech, I never look at medicine the same way again. I begin to look at medicine beyond the four walls of the hospital. Ever since then, the hospital is no longer my world, for the world became my hospital. There at Harvard Model United Nations, I was selected to be the Indonesian representative (though I am a Malaysian) to the World Health Organization (WHO) committee. I had to learn all about the Indonesian healthcare system and all its policies. That's how my interest caught up in healthcare policies and healthcare economics.

Jim Yong Kim's speech during the opening ceremony of HNMUN 2009. This is where it all started

Ever since that event in Harvard University, I believe I have found my life's true calling. I have always been interested in politics, international relations, economics and sociology. But one thing for sure is that I do love medicine most, and knowing that there is a branch of medicine that deals with how politics, economics and socio-demography affects health and diseases, I believe I have found a place where I belong. Some call it international health, some call it global health, and some call it public health. It doesn’t matter because at the heart of it all is the notion that medicine is not confined into the four walls of the hospital. 

Me giving my very first address to the international world. I swear I was trembling at that time! I still do now once in awhile, but learned how not to let it show

My stint with international relations continued even after I came back from Boston to Indonesia, where I continue to study for 3 years. I begin to give lecture and train fellow Indonesians on how to give a good speech in Model United Nations. It was so much fun training people to do the things that you love. At those kinds of moments, you feel so purposeful. You feel like you can do it for free anytime, and the fact that I was being paid for it makes it ever more meaningful.

Training students in Bandung Institute of Technology (ITB)

Then after 3 years studying in Indonesia, it was time for me to get back to Malaysia. At first, I was afraid that I would lose touch. They say that in Malaysia I will be really busy with clinical work and would not have time to join a single international conference. I wanted to prove them wrong. Equipped with the skills I've learned in Model United Nations, I became more confident to run for the post of Vice President for the Malaysian MMA Medical Students Society (SMMAMS). I won the post less than a month after coming back to Malaysia. The very next year, I became the President. It was during these 2 years of being involved in SMMAMS that I was introduced to the International Federation of Medical Students Association (IFMSA), thanks to my previous President, Mr Justin Lee who gave me the opportunity to present and register Malaysia under the federation at the General Assembly which was in Jakarta at the time. We were voted and accepted into the federation as a candidate member.

Lobbying for Malaysia to be part of IFMSA

IFMSA is much different than Model United Nations simply because there is more action. If previously I was trained to talk, in IFMSA I am trained to walk my talk. It offers so many training workshops, projects and campaigns that it seemed nothing in this world that these group of medical students from around the world cannot do. We are the largest student organization in the world, and our voices are heard by the World Health Organization and the United Nations. I am glad that me and my friend who was with me in Jakarta at that time, Mr Vincent Khor, successfully brought in IFMSA into Malaysia. We would like to self-claim ourselves as the founders of IFMSA in Malaysia, if we could ;P

Just one year through our membership, Vincent gave me a call and told me how he was so much keen to take the challenge and make Malaysia the host for the next IFMSA Asia Pacific Regional Meeting (APRM). I thought it was a brilliant idea and gave it a nod. Time flies really fast, and it happened last week. It was a big success. It is so much fulfilling to see that near the end of my ‘career’ as a medical student, I manage to see IFMSA brought literally into Malaysia. It is true that one of the best pleasures in this world is to be in the creation of something, see it flourish and then walk away and smile at it. In another half a year, I will be having my final professional exam. If I pass, I am no longer a medical student and will become a full fledged doctor. There is a mixed feeling about it. While I am glad that I will finally become the person I want to be all my life, I am afraid that I will never again live this life full of adventure. I might later settle down, have a family and all those things that people around my age do. Somehow I feel I am not ready for it. I feel like there is a lot of traveling to do. Many more international events to attend as a student. So many more great people to meet. Yes, the people are the best part. Along this journey I have met a lot of amazing people with similar passion, one person at a time, bit by bit, made me who I am today.

More than 18 countries participated in our APRM

My sheer love for international health has taken me to more than 10 countries in less than 5 years. My last chance would be the next IFMSA General Assembly in the United States. Should I go? Well, this journey started when I attended Harvard Model United Nations in the USA, what better choice would it be to end it all at where it all began, and complete my traveling line into a circle, where from there, I can start all over again, as a doctor. Hence Washington March Meeting  2013, here I come! 

First ever IFMSA Global Health Debate during APRM 2012. Won the best speaker award for this

Yokohama Nights

When I travel, I never don't usually buy souvenirs for myself. My souvenirs are free, they are in the form of memories. Each of us has their beautiful moments in life, the memories of their lifetime that no matter how difficult life seems, they can just close their eyes and return back to those moments in time. Times where everything was so delightful, where we feel so alive, where we were so free, where we had no fear, and we had no idea that the moment will last forever in our minds. I travel to pick up these moments, they are my souvenirs. 

One of the souvenirs I picked up was from Yokohama, Japan. I have always loved city lights, but here, they took city lights to a whole new level with their giant Ferris wheel that lights up the city with colors. The moment was surreal, I could have just take pictures and let it past but I knew it would not be enough. So I looked for a perfect café where I can view this city from above. I found it. I sat there all night right until the café almost closes. I put Coldplay's 'Lovers in Japan' on repeat in my iPod, and the moment that has now become a souvenir that plays in my memory every time I listen to that song :)

Moments that last forever

Tun Dr Mahathir Used To Be My Imaginary Grandfather

Most Malaysians of my generation would remember Tun Dr Mahathir throughout their childhood as the Prime Minister of Malaysia. But things are a little bit different for me. Thanks to my elder sister, I remember Tun Dr Mahathir throughout my childhood as my grandfather, or Tok Ayah. I could not understand her motive, but whenever Tun Mahathir came up on TV or the newspaper, she would say to me ''Opie, tengok ni, Tok Ayah masuk TV!''. As a child 4 or 5 years of age, of course I would believe in anything she said. So I believe that I have 3 Tok Ayahs. One is Tok Ayah kampung who lives in Batu Pahat, another one is Tok Ayah PJ who lives in Petaling Jaya, and the last one is Tok Ayah the Prime Minister. My delusion that the Prime Minister is actually my grandfather was so strong that one day me and my family went to a 'Disney on Ice' show premiere in Kuala Lumpur. Tun Mahathir was there with Tun Siti Hasmah. At the end of the show we had a chance to shake his hands, and I went to him and said 'Hi Tok Ayah!'. I could not remember the expression on his face at that time but it must have been a surprised one.

The delusion weans off as I grew older, I no longer look up as him as my grandfather, but I still look up at him as my inspiration. I could not believe that after 20 years, I get to speak to him again at an event held by my University. Tun Mahathir is a much older man now. Even early in his speech he seems to fumble with words, forgetting some of the things he wanted to say, but as his speech goes on, he speaks as well as he spoke 20 years ago. I fully took this chance to ask him a question, in an effort have a form of conversation with him. I asked a friend to record the video, and I shall put it here to preserve the memory:

Both ardent fans of him and his political enemies seems to agree that he has done a lot for the country. I was inspired by what he said in his speech, that he does everything for the love of the nation, he could not bare people looking down on his nation, and he feels humiliated that during his time the country were always under the rule of another. His love for the nation is above everything else. I have read a few of his autobiographies, the most prominent of course being his own memoir 'A Doctor in the House'. I was inspired when he said that his training as a medical doctor contributes much to his way of thinking when he solves problems as a Prime Minister. He admits that doctors has a systematic approach to solving problems, and that approach can be used not only to treat patients but to treat political, economic and social problems. At the age of 87, it is amazing that he can still be active writing, giving speeches and attending events. I am sure that when he looks back to his past life, he can be proud that he has changed the lives of many for the better. That is the life I want to live. To serve, to change people's lives, to be remembered, to leave a legend. I know it will be hard, but we have only 2 choices: either to tip-toe through life, avoiding getting bruised and die without a trace, or we can live a life full of ups and downs, filled with challenges...and be remembered long after we are dead and gone.Tun Dr Mahathir lived a legendary life, and I will always remember him as THE Prime Minister, and my imaginary childhood grandfather :)

Me and Tun Dr Mahathir after book signing

Towards The Land of My Childhood Dreams

I cannot believe today is finally the day I am going to step foot on the land of my childhood dreams. Growing up in a childhood environment filled with Doraemon, Dragon Ball, Ultraman, Masked Rider and the likes, Japan has always been one of the first places I dream to go to. Heck, let's not start with the Japanese video games that has filled my childhood. Final Fantasy, Chrono Cross, Tenchu, Shinobi, Shenmue, and everything else Konami, SquareEnix and Capcom (my future kids would wonder what the heck I am talking about). I even cried watching some of the endings of those games. There are no such things as the cartoon or video game characters in real life, I know, but the culture embedded in the stories are real. I just can't wait. It's like a journey to rediscover my childhood. Here we go!

P/S: I would like to thank the late Fujio F. Fujiko for encouraging my generation to have the wildest of imaginations. Now is the time for us to live them. 
 

Doraemon and friends 

 

13 Things I've Learned

I would like to share the things I have learned throughout this busy year of mine, having survived a whole year without failing in any of my exam papers while juggling responsibilities of both a national and college level Presidency at the same time:

1. Most of the solutions to my problems didn't come when I think hard but when I take time to relax or do prayers
2. Real peace of mind is not about hanging out by the beach, by the river or somewhere completely silent. It is about being in the middle of the hustle bustle of daily life and still feel peaceful inside. How? Work on feeling close to the Almighty. I have a ringing in my head 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. How am I supposed to feel peaceful if I keep waiting for silence?
3. We can adapt to almost anything if we expose ourselves to the challenge or unfamiliar situation long enough. Say...2 to 3 weeks.
4. Most of the bad things we worry would happen won't actually happen anyway
5. Time is relative. Wake up early in the morning and the afternoon comes very slowly. Wake up near the afternoon and the day will end so fast!
6. Doing things early in the morning is thrice as productive in terms of creativity and quality as compared to doing things after noon. Do your most daunting tasks early in the morning and reserve the less challenging ones for past noon.
7. There is always time. When there is none, you can always stay up all night
8. Everybody has a different definition of success. Even if you seem like the most successful person in the universe, other people will always reason that they are better than you in one way or another. So celebrate this malleability, stop being so uptight and let loose!
9. Never let success get too much in your head, but never let failure get too much in your heart too.
10. Not everybody thinks like you, if you don't understand their ideas, try to understand their way of thinking.
11. If your are obsessed with the bigger picture, work with someone obsessed with details. If you are obsessed with details, work with someone obsessed with the bigger picture
12. Preparations and deliberate practice do wonders
13. Missing a train only hurts if you run after it. If you know you are going to miss the current train, sit back, relax and wait for the next one which offers more seats and comfort. Same thing goes with daily life. Resist chasing things that naturally slips away from you. Learn to let go. Relax, sit back and have a good cup of coffee. I never have a daily schedule. I prefer a 'to-do' list. I work on the list at any time of the day I feel like I want to. By refusing to run to keep on schedule, I developed a sense of control over my time. I stand above the rat race instead of outside it. Well, it is difficult to lose a race you set up yourself, isn't it? 

The Last Speech

I could not believe it has been a full one year term since I swore in as the President of the MMA Medical Students Society. Last weekend was finally the time for me to step down. It has been a term full of learning experiences, but I will write all about it later. Much has also been achieved, but I am not going to write it down either. Because listening is easier than reading, so...listen ;) 

Final speech as SMMAMS President:

Opening speech for the 4th Malaysian International Medical Students Conference (MIMSC 2012):

Turbulent Times

The past couple of weeks had been a turbulent period in my personal life. It was in shambles. I thought I’ve been through much worse situations, but there are always unfortunate events happening now and then to get me feeling low. To top it all off, last weekend I had a car accident where I smashed a car in front of me while driving my grandparents and sister. It gave a huge shock to me, and I was lucky that nobody was hurt in that incident. I thought ‘I cannot go on like this’, life can seem unfair, it can arbitrarily cut off our air, but that is a fact of life, and everything does happen for a reason. So I should just go on with it. Forget personal tragedies, I have to get back to doing things that brings meaning to my life. There is no use thinking about things that I cannot have and risk losing things I already have and cherish in life.

So life goes on. Last weekend I presented to my extended family members about the hospital project in Cambodia. We have agreed to register the NGO ‘Hospitals Beyond Boundaries’ to the Malaysian Registrar of Societies (ROS). We now have our own constitution. I cannot wait to get it registered so at last I can recruit people, open a bank account, raise funds and start writing a formal proposal. Thank you to those who had already shown interest to donate and contribute. I will let you know as soon as the NGO is established and the accounts are open. Meanwhile, in Cambodia, due to a few circumstances the land that has been proposed to be hospital site has been changed. We are moving to a much larger land, almost double the size of land previously proposed. But that also means higher costs. This is the last week of my nearly 2 month holiday. I hope I can get everything settled before class starts again.

My New Endeavour in Cambodia

Most of my bizarre ideas are like the finest of coffees. Both of them are brewed in cafes, and before that final process, it takes a lot of time to cultivate, process, grinded, tamped upon and put under pressure. As I was having my usual morning caffeine kick at a small sidewalk café in India, a flash of idea brewed upon me. It started by asking myself ‘how did I get here?’ followed by ‘what does this journey, that I have trotted so far for, means to me?’ The journey I thought of was not of my trip to get there in India. No, not that. I was thinking about the journey of my life, is this all to it?

I was in Mumbai for an International Workshop on Healthcare and Medical Education, so days before I had to listen to hours and hours of lecture on the Indian healthcare system by one of India’s prominent public health specialist. She explained about all the good side and also the lacunas in the country’s healthcare system. I have always been interested in the healthcare system everywhere I go to (I ended up learning more about the National Health Service, NHS in the UK when I am supposed to learn ENT there). Then we went to the slums area. The situation there is beyond words, the people were poor, living in small, dark spaces, some of them downright unhygienic. The words of the public health specialist kept resounding in my head: ‘’we are good on policies but rarely on implementation’’. Then I remembered these words from the Holy Quran:

O you who believe! Why do you say that which you do not do? It is most hateful to Allah that you should say that which you do not do. Surely Allah loves those who fight in His way in ranks as if they were a firm and compact wall (Quran, Ash Shaff [61]: 2-4)

I began to think about myself. Traveling the world, seeing new places, experiencing bizarre things, winning awards and speaking in public might seem fulfilling to me. But is that all to it? I can write pages and pages and speak for hours and hours on suggestions of policies that could improve the health care of those who are most deprived of, but is writing and talking all that I can do? What can I do to walk all my talk?

I have been thinking about that a lot lately.

A few months ago, a Muslim Cambodian was invited to our house to give an overview of the situation of the Muslim community there in Cambodia. The situation there is that while many missionaries from Malaysia were there to build schools, provide shelter and food, they still lack health care services. It felt like a calling to me to see what I can do. My father sparked the idea of building a charitable hospital there. However, he has his own new endeavour of setting up a medical school that he has less time to work on that idea. It came to me that maybe I can take over the project. That idea was cultivated, processed, grinded, tamped upon and put under pressure in my mind until the time in that café in Mumbai where I have decided that with guidance from the words of the Almighthy as stated in Ash Shaff [61]: 2-4, I will start this new endeavour. Health care is my specialty, I have the knowledge, and this is the time for me to put it to good use, ‘to fight in Allah’s way in ranks as if I am a firm and compact wall’. I am going to start saving the world by helping the most destitute people. I am going to start with Cambodia. This weekend, I will be going to Cambodia with my parents to visit the community there, assess the situation and start planning something. This is going to be a long endeavour. It might take months or years to see results, but I will strive to be persistent in this.

I might be young, I might be naïve, I might not have a clue of what lies ahead. But mainly what makes a weakness might also makes a strength, as how a strong sword can also be tempered into a strong shield. By not knowing what lies ahead, it keeps me going on to discover and keep challenging myself and asking ‘’what happens next?’’. For now, what happens next is that I am going to Cambodia, keep on writing and speaking about the situation there to raise funds, and set up something that could sustain the efforts physically and financially. Obviously, I cannot do this alone. I will need help from other people: friends, family and colleagues. It might not seem clear yet what sort of organization or foundation I am going to form, but I sure will know when I get back from Cambodia this weekend. Pray that Allah be with me.