Thursday, June 11, 2015

Remember This Moment

The day was coming to an end. The construction workers, tired and wary after a long day doing the final touch for our clinic, were having their much-delayed lunch by a serene pond next to our clinic. As the sun sets over the horizon, I sat down on some wooden planks, looked around, still finding it hard to believe that in this foreign place, we have a piece of land we can call our own.

I began to wonder when did all of this began. Was it three, four  years ago? Must have been four. Yes, Hospitals Beyond Boundaries was establised three years ago, but it was four years ago a stranger known as Ustaz Kausar came to my house to tell a story of suffering. I sat at the back during my family's usrah, listening intently to his story about the suffering of the Cham ethnic minority of Cambodia. Ustaz Kausar almost did not notice me, and I did not expect him to notice me too. We would never have guessed that 4 years ahead, we would become like brothers, working together to make our dreams of having our own health centre a reality.

Many have asked "Why Cambodia?" and I wish I could have just answered "because Ustaz Kausar took me here". But it was more complicated than that, involving much more people than the both of us. I have brought many people along with me in this journey, some of those that I knew I would be hanging around for the rest of my life. HBB became a family, growing bigger and bigger, and tomorrow we would be receiving 60 volunteers from Malaysia, each and everyone believing in this cause that 3 years ago was just a dream of a bunch of students.

I swear I have never felt a stronger sense of purpose in my life. HBB is the reason I stay awake at night, and it is the motivation for me to wake up in the morning. Simple things we did today, like going to the store in Phnom Penh to buy PCs for our clinic felt so meaningful. As I ride the tuk-tuk, I felt the wind rush over my skin, knowing each mile I go for the purpose of our clinic might make someone's life better.

With HBB, I didn't have to compartmentalize any of my life's ambitions: personal, professional or philanthropic. I don't have to choose between work and family. I don't have to choose between making money or doing charity. They all converged in a single mission. HBB started with my family, it bonds our family together, and I would only marry someone who understands and interested in this work we do.

Today is a snapshot of these purposeful moments. I was not bounded by the ticking clock. All I knew was that I need to get to the pharmacy to stock up on medications, to the IT store to buy PCs and the electrical shop to buy floodlights before the sun sets. Like the birds and the bees, I am free from the fear that plagues men: the fear that time is running out.

I gave the floodlight to the construction workers before the sun hides away its light. They would put up the lights tonight, shining our clinic out of the darkness of the night, and here I am, sitting on the wooden planks, as the evening Cambodian wind blows softly as my thumbs pound on this small screen, trying my best to describe the day I had.

Some people struggle hard in life to find their purpose, some make it to death without even discovering it. I believe I have found mine, but the road ahead of me is still long, and there will be a lot of forks on the road, difficult decisions to make. The purpose of me writing this is to remind my future self facing those moments. Remember today, 2 days before the launching of HBB's first clinic. If I lost my way, remember this day. The day I feel so alive, so purposeful, so confident that this is what I want to spend my life doing. If I lost my way, may this writing bring me back to this moment, and make me discover back my purpose...

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