The Designer In Me Part III

So this is the third time I decorate my living space. The first was my room in Bandung, where I lived there for 3 years. Then in Kolej Kediaman Tun Dr Ismail UKM in Cheras, Kuala Lumpur, where I stayed for another 3 years, and now this is my living space in Kuarters Integrasi Hospital Sungai Buloh. As compared to my other rooms, you might realize that this time I swerve away from my favorite colors white, red and black. My room is totally green now. It is not that I suddenly become an environmentalist after working under the department of environment and social determinants of health in Geneva, lol, but the room was already painted green when I went in. Furthermore, look at the view outside, it's so green. Sungai Buloh is well known in the Klang Valley for people to buy plants. In fact, my father always buy plants here until this day. So I decided to bring the green into my room! Here it is. I am not paid by Ikea but Ikea is just 15 minutes from here and most of the things I buy is from there

Candid Moments

Sometimes it does not take a great photo to remind you of a great moment. That is why I think there is beauty in classic film cameras or polaroids. You can only have like 24 photos in a film roll, and unless you are willing to spend a lot on films, you have no choice but to be prudent on your shots. You would take the most candid and spontaneous moment in time. No taking a bunch and deleting the bad ones, no redoing shots, no photoshops . One single photo. One single moment. Miniaturized into a piece of glossy paper. That is why you see a lot of shut eyes, blurry motions, glares and stuff. But those imperfections...they themselves tell a story. Digital cameras and all its editing softwares makes us look too perfect, sometimes to the point of being artificial. It is not wholly a bad thing, though. But I miss the times when we look ugly in film but do no not care to delete it because it has already been printed.

Anyway, back to candid shots, I took this picture below spontaneously, almost like a reflex. Like, who would take a picture of a dull fuel station? I totally forgot about this photo because it pales in comparison to the more amazing photos I took hours after this was taken: upclose shots of hyenas, lions, hippos and wild buffalos. But somehow, browsing through my pictures in Africa months later, I found this picture and it reminds me of the most exciting thing: the journey. This was taken on the way from Johannesburg to Kruger Park. We had to stop at this fuel station in the middle of nowhere. It was so sunny I bought ice cream and remembered eating them while watching a pack of buffalos crossing the dirt road.

Yes the safari is amazing, but one of the most exciting part of traveling is the journey, where you don't know what to expect in front of you, your head is filled with ideal images you found in traveling books and online travel guides, and also with plans on what to do once you've reached your destination. I also get the same feeling when the flight is taking off. It always feels like a start of an adventure, no matter where my destination is. I guess it is true, that in traveling or in life achievements, what we cherish most is not the destination, but the journey to get there. The struggle. The climb.

The Time In-Betweens

I used to look forward for things to end. Like in high school I look forward for SPM to end so I can study medicine. In pre-clinical medical school I wish for pre-clinicals to end so I can practice clinical medicine. In clinical medicine I wish to graduate fast so I can become a doctor. However, once I have started working I realize that my eagerness for things to end has slowly fade away. A big part of it has to do with the daily routine of rushing here and there and the next thing you know the day comes to an end. A smaller part of it has to do with the fear of growing old. Time flies really fast when you are working 'in the zone'.

Now I just wish for time to pass by slowly. I no longer look forward for things to end. Housemanship may be considered a tough period of a doctor's life but I don't wish to rush though it. I wish to live in the present, enjoying life as it happens to me. There is so much things to do when we're still young. If I keep a mindset of wanting everything to end: finish Housemanship to become Medical Officer fast. Finish 2 years of Medical Officership to go into Master's program fast. Finish Master's fast to become specialist fast. Do subspecialization fast. The list will never end and the next thing I know I will find myself sitting in a clinic with a distended tummy.

Recently I've learned that creative endeavours, like writing in this blog does not necessarily happen when you have tons of time. It happens during the short periods between busyness. When you know you are going to be busy, you will try to find the time in-betweens. Like here I am, 5 a.m. and writing. I am still struggling to find the time in-betweens to do non-medical stuff, but I am trying. Creative endeavours are important, but it is important to make it in-between your daily job before it can flourish as an independent endeavour. As far as motivational speakers ask you to just jump and follow your passion to fully focus on what you're truly passionate about, it may take some time.

I am talking about a job in general, not focusing on the medical career. This is partly due many Malays that I see quitting their daily job to open an online shop or painting or playing in a band and stuff. Then realise it couldn't sustain them financially, and went back to their former job. A daily job gives you the security of a sense of belonging, a medium to keep in touch with people, and of course the financial security for you to keep a focused mind while you are doing your creative work. So keep your job, do things in-between, and when you're art has flourished, when people start buying your stuff like banana fritters and you become confident it can sustain you financially, then you make the jump.

My mom would read this and worry if I would quit medicine and go painting someday. But nah, this is just a general advice for people who are considering to make the jump in career too soon. I am just finding time in-between my shift duty to write more. I admire Atul Gawande, a surgeon in the USA whom wrote 3 books in between his surgeries, which all I read with much respect towards his thoughts.