Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Tinnnnnitus

It is one thing to lose a hearing in one ear, but it is another thing for it to be replaced by a constant ring. A stubborn ring. The more I request for silence, the louder it gets. My silence is now loud. But you know I won't give in

Friday, July 15, 2011

A Fork Stuck in the Road

I am a disabled whose scars will never heal
It is time for me to go upon a different path
The former me goes to die - which is better
Only God knows
For He has made me strong
But He makes me stronger yet


Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Things Are Looking Up: Thanks For The Wishes And Prayers

Dear everyone, thank you for the get well soon wishes and constant flow of visits to my ward room, especially to my parents and family members for being here most of the time. I can't express how blessed I am to have so many people who care. The past 3 days has been a true challenge, the injury took away half of my hearing, my balance and my ability to walk straight (I keep falling to the left). It takes huge amount of mind concentration to ignore the pain and ringing in my ear. Although my brain fluids (or CSF, for the medically inclined) are still leaking, the flow seems to be reducing by time. Things are getting better today, and hey, I can even write a note on FB using my BB! I am now on antibiotics to prevent infections which could be nasty if it reaches my brain. But let's just hope that won't happen.

So it has been 4 days since I've seen the sunlight. It's funny how when I am healthy I set my goals so high, contemplating the next big thing to do, but now all I want is to see the sunlight. I can only guess the weather outside from the sounds of wind or rain going through the bathroom ventilator. I wish I can just go out and appreciate the weather, but I can't walk without risking a fall, and hence risking further CSF leakage. What I want is just to see the world outside, listen to music with both my ears, and walk to anywhere I want to without risking a fall. Who cares about the sounds of Optimus Prime transforming? I just want to hear the sound of the winds. Oh, how we always take things for granted when they are in abundance. I'm not saying that we should stop setting our goals high when we're strong and healthy, it's just that we shouldn't stop appreciating the little beautiful things in life along the way and be thankful to Allah for just having all the senses to be able to do so.

I guess the same goes to our relationships with people. When we're around healthy and busy with our daily work we tend to ignore families and friends. We're just to busy to reply messages and answer calls. But when we're lying sick and helpless, they are the ones that we wish would come and visit us. Simple written words by such as 'get well soon' are appreciated most when we get them from these people, even if they can't make it to visit you. Sometimes we just prioritize the wrong people. We worry more about bad things strangers think and talk about us than the sincere advice and warnings of families and friends. We tend to please people who don't care if you are on your bed jumping, lying sick or dying than people who will do whatever it takes to help you in times of need. Why do we only appreciate the presence of our loved ones only either when we're going, or when they're gone? Oh humans, we're full of irony

But I guess the most important thing of all is to be thankful to Allah for our health or just for being alive for another day. I turned my head just in time for the force to miss my eye and hit my ear instead. What if it hit my eyes? Now that would be worse. Doctor also says I'm lucky that my facial nerves are okay. She said a patient at the clinic had a similar injury as mine, but his facial nerves are damaged, so he can't move his face muscles. You won't know even if he's smiling. Alhamdulillah my facial nerves are fine, I am still able to smile, and smile I will ;). Doctor says my balance and ability to walk straight will return in a few weeks, but she's not so sure about the hearing loss. Oh well, let's pray for the best. I hope you can pray for me too ;)

It feels so good to be writing again without bouts of vertigo. Half of my hearing may be lost, but as long as my brain can still think properly, and my hands are able to write, I will keep on writing to share the lessons of my life. Please feel free to share my writings if you feel that it could be beneficial to the people that you care. Thank you